I Hope You Find It
by K-OfTheSouthernIsles
Summary: This is a story of the life James possibly left behind in Big Time Audition. This is a possible life that James Diamond left behind to become famous.
1. Chapter 1

His face is red. Mine is tear streaked. I stand in the door frame as he folds clothes in another suitcase. Far too much yelling has happened, too many hurtful things said, and this is it.

"James,-." My voice squeaks.

"No." He zips his bag, setting it by the others. "This is my chance to get out of this town. To have a better life."

I force myself to keep my mouth shut to avoid gasping and crying out loud. My heart is being torn to pieces. Then, he starts moving the bags out the front door. No sign of emotion. Just a hard set jaw. His car is packed. He brushes past me in the hallway for his last bag.

"Daddy?" Trinity, our 2 year old daughter, stands up from the living room floor.

"Mommy? Why you crying?" She approaches me. I sink to my knees and wrap my arms around her. No words will help her understand, and even if there were some, I couldn't say them.

"Daddy?" Her voice is inflicted with confusion as she watches him walk away.

"Daddy!" She pushes my arms off her and runs at him, attaching to his legs. He stops. He's leaving us, but he stills loves her. James squats down and smiles at the tiny, girl version of himself. His eyes dart over her face, taking in details.

"I love you, Trinny. Daddy loves you so much." The little strand of chestnut hair hanging over her eyes, he pushes back. After kissing her forehead, he pulls her in and to his chest.

"Be a good girl. Okay?" Another kiss is pressed to her little cheek, and she kisses him back. Their smiles match each other.

"Give your best love some more sugar?" He puckers up and she kisses him one last time. He stands up and is gone without leaving a trace of his existence here, aside from Trinity and the pictures. Oh, and the little one nudging around the inside of my tummy.

I hadn't told him yet...

I reach in my pocket, pulling out my phone. His number is first and I dial it, but of course no answer. A voice mail would have suffice.

"James. I have something I need to tell you. I'm not mad at you. I hope you get this. You left before you could hear what I needed you to. I hope you find it, what you're looking for. And, I hope it's everything you dreamed your life would be; plus so much more. I know that you can do this. I do hope you find happiness wherever it is that you are going. I wanted you to know that, and nothing's gonna change that. You deserve so much out of life and you can make it happen. And, you're already so far. I knew you could do it. I just hope whatever it is out there that you were missing here, I hope you find it." I click the phone to hang up as Trinity runs in my arms.


	2. Chapter 2

Teen pregnancy wasn't easy for either of us. We were just messing around when it actually came around to doing it. Neither one of us actually thinking that we would end up parents. We were 15 and in love. We ended up living with my grandmother, until she passed away, but she left the house to us. James continued in school, but I dropped out and got a job. James was the best boyfriend and dad. I remember on the day she was born, James cried so much. He sat, holding her for hours. Even once we got home, he kept her bassinet by the couch, and just held her on a pillow when we went to bed.

She adored him too. Even though I carried her in my belly, gave birth to her; Daddy was the favorite. Probably because I forced her to eat and take medicine while he just did the coddling.

We were struggling to get by, but we were doing it. Life was getting better. Trinity doesn't understand where her dad has been. It breaks my heart to see her wait by the door at 3:40 each afternoon.

Then, there's the new one. It was Trinity's second birthday, we had a conversation on what a cute baby we made and one thing lead to another. I haven't even told my own mother yet. She'd just go off on how right she was about James. I still don't think she is. He's wanted that dream of his before we started dating. I still am not angry at him. I feel bad for our daughter.

"Trinity." I call out, walking through the hall way. "Baby, where are you?"

Her light snore comes from my bedroom. I walk in to check her. Perfect, like always.

There's loads of laundry, piles of dishes, and plenty of house to clean. Quietly, I turn the messy dungeon to a semi-acceptable house by the time that my angel awakes.

"Mommy." She walks up behind me as I work on putting the clean and dry dishes away. I turn around to see her chubby little hands rubbing her eyes.

"Wassa matter, Precious?" She only holds her arms out for me to pick her up. The last utensils are throw into the drawer then I turn to scoop her up. Tiny little arms snake around my neck.

_*Flashback*_

_"You're absolutely sure?" James inquires. _

_"Yes."_

_"You want oreos and Reese's cups? Right now?" _

_"I wouldn't lie to you."_

_"But, it's 2:30 in the morning. Can't you have it later?"_

_"No. We need it now." Koraline reaches over, placing her hand on her boyfriend's chest. _

_"But, I have school-."_

_"Please. I mean, it's your baby that wants it."_

_"Yes. I'm sure it's her." He pushes the blanket off his legs and sits up. _

_"You're the best, Baby. I love you so much." She kisses his cheek._

_"I know. I love you too." The tennis shoes that lay by the bed are laced to his feet, then he picks up the keys and heads out the door. Kora occupies her time with reading and slowly drifts to sleep. _

_James drags back in at 3. He leaves the treats on her bedside and crawls back in. She takes up more bed than she used to, being 8 1/2 months pregnant. James doesn't really get upset with her though, it's their child that she's taking care of. _

_When he wakes up to get ready for school, she's still asleep. The silence of the morning is peaceful. Much better than the previous few months where they both sat in the bathroom floor while she threw up and he held her hair. Now, she just eats a lot. Kendall, Logan, and Carlos come to see her and her friends try to as well. _

_With hair perfectly parted , scarf snugly wrapped around his neck, and outfit nicely __coordinated for the Minnesota weather; he sits on the bed and kisses his girlfriend's forehead. _

_"Love you, Honey." He then kisses the side of her tummy and rubs over the stretched stomach. Tiny movements are felt. "I love you too, Baby Girl. Daddy will be home later." _

_"Morning." Koraline greets._

_"I didn't mean to wake you up. I'm sorry."_

_"It's okay. It was her. Not you." She struggles to sit up. "I've been having a lot of contractions in the past few hours. It was really hard to sleep."_

_"I'm sorry, Baby. But, she'll be here soon."_

_"I hope so." _

_"It will all be okay. Want me to bring you something to eat or drink, Kora?"_

_"If you would just bring my cell phone charger from the bathroom, that'd be great."_

_"Of course." He departs the room and when he returns, he finds a horrified, terrified Kora pulling the blankets away from her body, revealing a massive wet spot by her lap._

_"James,-."_

_"Is that?"_

_"My water?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Yeah. Here, help me up." He reaches his hands out for hers. She takes them, slowly is pulled to her feet. __The doorbell rings. It has to be Kendall with his mom here to pick up James for school. James helps his girlfriend through the house, then flies to open the door._

_"Woah. Is everything okay?" Kendall holds his hand up. _

_"I don't think I'm going to school today."_

_"You look like you're gonna throw up. Is everything okay?"_

_"The baby's coming."_

_"The baby's coming?!" _

_"Yeah." James steps back, opening the door wider for Kendall to view the laboring woman leaning against the wall. His green open wide. _

_"Oh, my."_

_*End of Flashback*_

"Kora?"

"In the kitchen, Mom." She enters briefly, baring a few grocery bags.

"Oh. You didn't need to go and do that. I can get groceries."

"My granddaughter can't live off of Easy Mac." She lays the groceries on the counter.

"She doesn't." I toss the salad with the tongs.

"Well, with James being gone, I figured you might need some help. Not that he contributed around here. You do all the work and take care of the baby."

"He took care of her while I went to work. I told him to stay in school and over the summer and on breaks, he worked with Kendall at the store."

"You supported him a lot more. Well, you certainly helped him reach his goal in life. Do you see him sending you any money to support his daughter? I think not. I used to think more of him, but not anymore. You need to file-."

"Stop! I don't want anything from him. Did you come to pick a fight?" I toss the tongs down on the counter and return the boiling pot of spaghetti noodles and sauce pan.

"No. I just wanted to check on you and Trinity. Especially you, you've been looking puffy lately. Are you getting sick?"

"No, Mom." I fib, setting the food on the table.

"You're so on edge lately. It's almost like you're-."

"I am." I face away from her, looking out the kitchen window.

"James'?"

"Of course."


	3. Chapter 3

Mom and I hash it out after I tell her the truth. As all mom's would say, she told me about how James was no count and that she's so glad that he is out of my and Trinity's life.

"That's not fair though. She doesn't deserve to grow up without her dad. To not know what a magnificent person he is."

"He's not that magnificent to walk on you and her. And, especially you in your condition. You need to take him off that high pedestal. He's a terribly person. He left you. I told you that James was no good for you."

"You did. What do you want from me? Why don't you go put it on a billboard and in the newspaper? Make a radio broadcast? Want me to say that you were right? You were right. There. And, he loved her. He adored her!" I slam the cabinet door shut after putting the clean dishes away.

"I know he did. And, that's not what I want. I want you to be okay."

"Well, I'm not, Mom." I push my palm to my forehead and the hot tears fall down my face. "I'm not okay, Mama."

She stands and walks over to me. Her arms wrap around me.

"I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm so sorry."

"I'm hurting for Trinity. She doesn't understand. And, for the new baby, never gonna know it's daddy. It's not fair to them. I knew this could happen, I didn't expect it to be like this, but, it was always a possibility. Mom, he doesn't even know that I am pregnant again. I didn't tell him. Now, I can't. Mama, I can't tell him. He's gone now. Why did it have to be this way?"

"Who knows. Maybe, that band won't take off. He might come back. Not that you should get with him again. But, he can get a real job and help provide for his kids." Mom strokes my hair.

"I don't want that. I want him to be happy. He's wanted this for so long."

"Baby Doll, is there anything I can do for you?" My eyes open. I catch a glimpse of my chestnut haired daughter watching from around the corner.

"I'll be okay. I love you, Mom. I'm gonna go take care of her." I gently hug my mom and walk away, wiping my eyes and smiling.

"Hey there, Darling. You ready for your bath?" Her arms raise and I scoop her up.

She doesn't ask for it, but because there has been so much tension and frustration lately, I let her take a bubble bath. She loses her mind over a bubble bath. It takes only 30 minutes for her to get over it. Well, she just got tiredly really, so she dries off and gets into her pajamas.

"Ready for bed, Pumpkin?" I ask, but she only nods. When I call her 'Pumpkin', James always would return with calling her 'Princess'. Because, she loves Cinderella, and for James she was always pleasant and nice, but when he left she re"Then, lets get some bed." I take her back to my room and lay her on the bed, pulling back then getting in with her.

"Where Daddy?"

"Uh. Hmm." I get a lump in my throat. "He at work."

It's not a complete lie. She buys it and goes to sleep.

I, on the other hand, can't sleep. What am I going to do? James isn't at work. He's a million miles away from us.

I wonder what would have happened if he knew.

* * *

_***Flashback***_

_"Oh, my."_

_"Kendall! I don't know what to do!" _

_"Let me get my mom. She'll know!" The blonde runs back to his car and James turns to his girlfriend. Now, Grandma Allison is now part the action. Kora leans forward to hold onto the corner of the wall with Grandma trying to comfort her. James can't help but to be motionless. _

_"She said that she'll take us to school then come back for you two." When Kendall pops in to say that, James physically jumps from the fright. _

_"I-. I-. Uhm. Thanks." _

_"Good luck, Bro. See you later." He waves and departs by shutting the door._

_"Just breathe through it. That's it. Good girl." _

_James feels frozen, but when Kora turns around with tears streaming down her face, he broke. He has to help her. _

_"Baby." His voice hitches. "What can I do for you?"_

_She holds her arms out. He comes over and embraces her. They latch onto each other._

_"I'm scared. I'm scared. What if I can't do this?"_

_"You're gonna be okay. We're gonna do it together. Mama Knight is gonna come back and help us." He pets her hair. "Do you wanna sit down?"  
_

_"Please."_

_"Here." He holds her arms and leads her to the couch. Grandma (shortly to be a great-grandma) makes use of brushing Kora's hair and braiding it neatly down her back. At this moment, James is sitting in front of her, holding her hands as they squeeze onto his. _

_"Does it hurt?"_

_"Not too much. Yet."_

_"Is there anything at all that I can do to make you more comfortable?"_

_"No." She presses her palm to her lower back. "James."_

_"Yes?" Anticipation and worry fills his eyes. It washes away though when a small smile slips across her face._

_"We're having a baby."_

_"We are." He stands on his knees and leans in to kiss her. "We're having a beautiful, baby girl."_

_"Are you ready?"_

_"So ready."_

_"Good." She runs a hand over his shoulder then moans in pain. _

_"You got this."  
_

_Koraline remains eerily calm for what she's going through. James is having a worse time and is stressing out more than the one who's giving birth. It's natural though for the father to become highly worried at this time. The mother may have pain, but she indeed is ready for her baby. James' mind runs crazy with thoughts. Soon, he won't just be a boyfriend, jock, or regular guy; he's going to be a dad. Someone who is made up of half of him and half of the girl he loves. _

_Time passes by, to the soon-to-be parents, slowly. Ms. Knight returns and sits the family. Since she has been through this twice, she offers words of advice and comfort. _


	4. Chapter 4

"Do you think that I could pick up some more shifts?" I ask of my manager.

"You already work 6 days a week."

"Can I maybe work a few doubles?"

"I'm not gonna say no. " Everyone in this city has been had so much pity for me ever since the boys left. It wasn't a secret. In fact, for a city like this, it was a big deal. "Are you in some sort of financial trouble? I can lend you the money."

"No. It's just that I'm expecting again and I need the money."

"Oh. Congratulations. That's great. Sure, sure. I understand. More money." Yeah. That felt as congratulating as a funeral invitation. I don't expect a warm response, like the first time. Just this time, I don't have the daddy there to comfort me from their looks and snide comments. Everyone knows who the father is though.

"Thank you, Bill." I smile and turn away. Working for a car lot, certainly has it's perks, but mostly just boring. It pays pretty good too, but will it be enough? I don't know. I can hope and pray.

Come closing time, I walk out with a few others and get to my car. I have to go to Mom's to get Trinity.

First, I take a moment to cry. When I turned the car on, my and James' old song comes on (Doing It All For My Baby - Huey Lewis and the News) followed by Always Be My Baby by Mariah Carey. This just is a recipe for disaster.

I have to turn the radio off. So, instead of other's words of heartbreak filling my head, only mine do. I don't talk to Mom long, but Trinity is already asleep, so if I drive careful she will remain asleep. When I catch a glimpse of her back there, I smile. I've not lost James, he's still here. In her and the new baby.

I take her up to my bedroom and lay her down, but I wanna shower so I go down the hall and strip. I tie my purple bandana around my hair to push it back and then use a hair bow to twist my hair into a knot. The hot water runs down my body, soothing the muscles.

I may need to get a second job. The house, the car, and of course the babies; all need to be taken care of. Hopefully, I can reuse Trinny's baby things for the new one. That would be great to not need to buy new clothes and such.

I shut the water off, dry my body, and get dressed. There's too much to be done to worry with tonight. Sleep would be preferable at the moment, but the laundry isn't gonna do itself. The bills aren't gonna pay themselves either.

* * *

_**/Flashback/**_

_"Okay." Kora breathes hard. _

_"That was a long one. You handled that real nicely. James, why don't you get Koraline some water or-. Sweetheart, what would you like?" Ms. Knight asks._

_"Water is fine." She is now standing against the wall again. The pain is too much while sitting down, but standing seems to help give some relief. James. Well, James is trying to be as understanding and involved as possible; he just keeps getting stuck. Though, he also scared of getting yelled at. Kora hasn't been showing much the typical 'woman-giving-birth' attitude though. No screaming, yelling, cussing, or saying that she hates James for doing this to her. Of course, she's cried a little. Pain and hormones can do that to a girl, but it hasn't been a bawling type of crying with sobbing and the works, just a subtle stream of tears. _

_"Yeah. Give me a second." He leaves the room connecting to the kitchen and turns on the faucet. First, he runs his hand under it and placing it on the back of his neck then rolling it. His mind is in overload. Kora and he are about to be actual parents. Like, there's no changing this. Not that he wants to. Just the fact that in the next few hours, their lives will never be the same. He fills a cup with water and returns._

_"Baby. Here you go." _

_"Thank you." Her hand wraps around the cup, but she doesn't drink immediately, pain scrunches her face. Every time this happens, James tenses up too. Internally, he's trying to breath and is unable to think.  
_

_"James, come here."_

_"What can I do?" _

_"I wanna go lay down. I'm tired."_

_"Is that okay?" James turns to Mama Knight. _

_"Of course. I actually should be going to get the boys and Katie from school. I'll get them home and then come back."_

_"No. No. It's okay. You've been such a big help. I should be okay from here on. Thank you so much." Kora holds James' hands and straightens her back. Grandma Alli looking up from her knitting, in the rocking chair._

_"You're not a burden. You're not holding me here against my will. James is like my own son, and you're like a daughter, and I wanna be here for you two."_

_"How about I call you when the contractions start getting close?"_

_"Sounds good to me. And, you do need to rest. It will be much needed later." _

_"Alright. Thank you for everything. James, can you help me to the bed?"_

_"Yes, Dear." _

_Ms. Knight helps too and then leaves for the the kids at school. When, Kora lays down, feet get relief but her back not so much. The couple lay together. Somewhere in the middle of all this, Kora actually gets some sleep. Not solidly, she falls in and out of sleep. But, James never leaves her side. If the phone rings, Grandma will answer. Nothing is worth not being with her._

_She does shower and manage to eat part of a salad, though I nearly comes back up._

**_Current time: 12:52 p.m._**

_"Baby, they seem to be getting close. Do you think that we should call Ms. Knight?"_

_"No. I'm fine."_

_"Alright. I'm sorry. I just want to have to end up having her at home." He smiles, trying to get her to. She only ignores him. In fact, her contractions are close and long. She's just hoping that it's not really happening. Perhaps, this will stop and she can have a few more days before she has to give birth. _

_She sits on the floor on her knees with her hands bracing her body against the bed. James sits on the bed awaiting instructions. His hand slips across the bed to take hers. _

_"Help me up. I feel dizzy." Kora demands. He glides over to her but stops short._

_"Koraline." He tries to swallow the lump in his throat. "Is that blood?"_

_"What?" He takes her underneath her underarms and stands her body to her feet. Blood. On the floor. Down her yoga pants. _

_"Call Ms. Knight. Now." James whips out his cellphone and makes the call._


	5. Chapter 5

From time to time, my mind will wonder; thinking about how James and the boys are doing. I wonder if he still looks the same or if he got a Hollywood make over. Not that he needed one. He pretty much is the essence of gorgeous, male model. And, man, his singing is so angelic. Even when he's goofing around. I have no doubt that he will make it very far. I wonder if he remembers us, or if he has finally got to meet Nicole Scherzinger. Those 5 mansions he always wanted, they're so close.

"Koraline Fitz." My attention is drawn to the front counter of the diner. An old lady with broad rim glasses stands and extends her arm out. I'm looking for a second job and diner's are always desperate.

"This way." She leads into a side room with a desk covered in papers. Obviously, there is no sense of organization in this room.

"Thank you." I say and take the seat she offers.

"I understand that you have another job, eh?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"So, why do you need another one?"

"I need to make ends meet in my home." I tuck some hair behind my ear.

"I see. I see. You've had experience before with the world of serving?"

"Briefly."

"Hmmm." Her eyes scan the piece of paper before her.

"I can work as anything. Janitor, waitress, or dish washer."

"Good. Because, I just had to fire 4 people for stealing. They ransacked the place. That's the reason we're closed for renovations. Are you sure that you can handle two jobs?"

"I am sure."

"You're 17. How hard a time can you be having at home?"

"I'm providing for myself, my daughter, and soon-to-be new baby." I rub a hand across my stomach then lay it across my lap to give her a hint. Confusion, or judgement, twisted on her face. She fakes looking at the paper and the room fills with awkward silence.

"I'm sorry to take up your time." I sigh and stand, making my way to the door.

As soon as I'm out of the building, I groan in frustration and kick my tire. This is not going as easily as I thought it would and I didn't start out with high hopes. This is rather just working my last nerve.

How am I going to do it? I really don't see how it's gonna be possible. I know it's my fault for getting into this situation, but still I'm not asking for a hand out.

Why can't he just call? Why can't I just hear his voice? He needs to tell me that every thing is going to be alright.

I crumble down by the side of the car in tears, with my phone in my hand.

"Come back, be here." I talk to the phone as if it will magically send my message to him.

* * *

**_/Flashback/_**

_"Young Man, you need to give us space." A young nurse kindly takes James by the arm, leading him from the room. _

_"NO! I have to be with her. You don't understand. That's my baby. She's having my baby! My daughter."_

_"I understand that, but in order for us to properly take care of both of them, we need space. Now, Sir, please." She succeeds in removing James from the room, but not without the help of another, lager, male nurse._

_"You don't understand. I have to be with her."_

_"James? What's going on?" Ms. Knight looks up from the waiting chair down the hall and dashes towards James._

_"They won't let me be with her. They took her away from me." _

_"Come. Sit with me."  
_

_"I don't wanna sit. I wanna to be with her."_

_"I know you do, but they would not remove you unless it was absolutely necessary."_

_"I did this to her. I'm the reason that she's hurting. I'm responsible for all this." Mama Knight takes James in her arms. "Her own mother won't even come see her. It's my fault. I ruined her life. She's so smart. She could've been anything that she wanted to. I took all that away. She has to hate me."_

_"James David Diamond. Look at me." He looks at her. "Kora loves you very much. She tells everyone all the time. Yes, her mother doesn't like what has happened, but she will come around. I would be upset if the same thing happened with Kendall, but I would wanna be there for him. She just needs time. Everything is gonna be okay. We just have to wait."_

_"You're a better mother to kids who aren't yours than their own biological parents."_

_"What are you taking about? You are my kids." She smiles and pats his back._

_"Thank you so much for all that you've done for us. We have no way to ever repay you."_

_"I don't want you to. Let's get some coffee and wait for your girls." She links arms with him. "I can't wait to meet your little girl."_

_"Me neither. Do you think I'm gonna be a good dad? I'm scared that maybe I'm not gonna know what to do."_

_"Oh, you're not. No matter how many books you read, you will not be prepared. It's scary, I'll give you that. I think you'll do just fine though. You and Koraline have me too. I will always be here if you need help or have questions."_

_"Thank you."_


End file.
